Aries: Mar 21 - Apr 19
Its time you quit your job. And start the hunt. You have been stalking honey boo boo online for months, time to complete your shrine in your basement. Pack up the car. Its road trip time! By pack I mean grab the duct tape, can of gas, and put on a diaper. That pudgy angel will be eating Twinkies in your trunk by night fall.
Its time you quit your job. And start the hunt. You have been stalking honey boo boo online for months, time to complete your shrine in your basement. Pack up the car. Its road trip time! By pack I mean grab the duct tape, can of gas, and put on a diaper. That pudgy angel will be eating Twinkies in your trunk by night fall.
This month you will start to explore your artistic side. using only water, and toilet paper as your medium, the greatest sculptures known to man will reside in your place of employments restroom. An artist works for the passion not the pay. But once your boss sees the free art you have provided and singed with a sharpie on the wall next to it. Well all I have to say is. I smell ah promotion!
Gemini: May 21 - Jun 20
Oh look at you with your IPhone 5! to bad there's not an app on there to predict the future. Mama Cleo has a Nokia 5110 that she got from a bin at the entrance to a Best Buy (why do they make it so hard to reach the phones). I can not understand what more you would need than the snake game, and glowing buttons with the numbers wore off?
Oh look at you with your IPhone 5! to bad there's not an app on there to predict the future. Mama Cleo has a Nokia 5110 that she got from a bin at the entrance to a Best Buy (why do they make it so hard to reach the phones). I can not understand what more you would need than the snake game, and glowing buttons with the numbers wore off?
You know that person that you always wanted to punch in the face? Guess what!?! Its time for you to sneak up on them and shout obscenities in there ear. Mama Cleo don't condone violence.
What is your problem? Really whats your deal. All you had to do is give that prince your account information, and you would have saved his life and been a millionaire! Great now he's probably dead, and you can just keep sitting at your desk pretending to work. When you could be drinking Jag bombs at some beach house in Miami with Chaz the night club promoter. BTW seriously Chaz do you ever wear a shirt or sunscreen? You look like a fine leather bound book.
I predict that it is time for you to start officially regretting that Limp Bizket tattoo. It is pretty safe to say there will not be a comeback.
This month you will become a millionaire! YAY! That idea of powder form energy drink that you snort has finally taken off. Mama Cleo loves them in case your wondering. My only problem is who the hell is going to put my remote control back together? And whats with this metal taste in my mouth? What I don't get is I put it up my nose, yet the blood is coming from my ears? Strange? Good news though, the bleeding is probably making it harder for the government to hear Mama Cleos thoughts.
Ever wonder how you ended up with the sign of Scorpio? Well Mama Cleo knows all. It is Latin for "laday of the eve crabiucus", loosly translated to english nasty prostitute with crabs. You should be ashamed of your self! No predictions this month for you!
You know that thought you had the other day of punching the old man in the jaw at the gas station and taking the register? Mama Cleo says go for it! you only live once. And wise poeple say all the time that you should live your dreams. And something about CARPET DENIM Greek for "Sieze the Carp". Mama Cleo still trying to figure out what catching fish has to do with robbing gas stations, but Mama Cleo knows not what what here visions mean, but that they are truth.
What ever happened to Wesley Snipes? You thought he died didn't you. You are wrong and this month when your toilet clogs with hair (whats that about anyway). And you call rotorooter. Guess who shows up at your door with a plunger. You guessed it! So dig in your closet for that Jungle Fever poster you got from when that Blockbuster closed down. Mama Cleo sees $3.95+shipping in your paypal account in the near future!
Who said you can't have gravy for breakfast? That will be your new slogan to go with your workout plan that you will be selling on infomecials. One gravy smoothie for breakfast, one at lunch, and mashed potatoes for dinner. The exercise routine is whisking gravy, and mashing potatos. You will be the #1 gravy diet in the nation! good for you! You deserve it.
You will eat fish and get worms. Thats pretty gross, your disgusting.
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